Letter to The Sun

November 10th, 2022

 

Dear staffers at The Sun,

 

I was recently the subject of an article in your eminent newspaper about my new book Silent but Deadly: The Underlying Cultural Patterns of Everyday Behaviour. To refresh your memory, it was titled ‘GEEKY BUM TIME: I’m an expert on farts and have written a book all about why we pass wind’.

 

Without mincing words, I think it's fair to say that the article is a journalistic masterpiece. Tell me ONE other paper better at painting a picture in words than The Sun. (Sure, those words are not remotely accurate, but what a picture they paint, eh?) Even more extraordinary is your commitment to matching your journalists with the most appropriate story. I imagine Alex Gass must have been thanking his lucky stars that he finally got to sink his teeth into the very piece that he was born to write. What an amazing coincidence that he was working for The Sun when the book came out!!!

 

I feel supremely confident that this article can only enhance my academic credibility – I mean, I’m an expert. On farts!!!! (Or, at least, you say that I say that I am, which is practically the same thing.) The only thing that surprises me is that the communications team at King’s College London haven’t got in touch to capitalise on this stellar marketing opportunity for the university. 

 

But what truly impresses me is your almost scholarly commitment to exploring the varied linguistic euphemisms for farting. It’s that kind of forensic attention to detail we’ve all come to expect from the paper that broke the Wagatha Christie story.

 

In fact, I’ve been so inspired by your coverage that I’ve created my very own book trailer below. Perhaps I flatter myself, but I feel it captures something of the spirit of your breathtaking article. So thank you, Alex Gass and The Sun staffers, for all the inspiration you’ve provided. Pulitzer Prize: here we come!

 

Yours, etc.,

 

Kirsten Bell.